Thursday, March 13, 2008

That lady tried to kill me

And she almost succeeded. I have a love/hate relationship with Denise Austin. I really like her perky ways and encouraging words. Usually. But tonight I hopped back on the exercise train by trying a different workout. Shrink Your Female Fat Zones. Well, something better shrink - and fast, because that exercise routine could count as torture.

And she just kept smiling.

"You're looking good." Are you kidding? They could make a best-selling comedy of me trying to get into the right position on this under-inflated stability ball. And why do they call it a stability ball anyway, because it felt far from stable as it kept rolling me sideways while I pretended to do crunches.

"That's my trouble zone too." Can I smack you now? There is no trouble zone on your perfectly sculpted body. The only thing perfectly sculpted on me are my eyebrows.

"Ooo, this stretch is one of my favorites. It feels so good." No, Denise, it hurts like crazy. It is not my favorite, none of them are my favorite, the end of your video (if I had made it that far) would be my favorite.

I'm going on a cruise in just a few weeks, Denise, and this torture had better live up to its name. Because I'll be back for more tomorrow, and if you say, "now give me a smile" one more time, I'm going to stick my tongue out.

13 comments:

Hannah said...

Awww, you're not bitter at all....are you?
You gave me a nice laugh to start my day off, thanks!

Jacki said...

Good luck with the workouts! I do not like excerise at all, especially videos with perky hosts. :-)

But I am sure your husband will appreciate the results. Actually, I am pretty sure he will just love being on a cruise with you.

Jendi said...

Go ahead and stick your tongue out! Maybe it will burn more calories. LOL!

My 3 year old was like, "Mommy, she said Good. You are doing good." Uh-huh, ok, whatever.

Marshay said...

I've always found myself wondering why she has those flying squirrel looking eyes that make her look like she is in a constant state of shock?? Let me know if it works...even as much as I go to the gym, I still can't figure out how to get rid of the "ham hocks" that are my thighs.

Motherhood for Dummies said...

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! I have a Denise Austin video and I love it and hate it! Everytime she gets that smile and says "We're burning butter!" or "OH I love this strech it feels soooo gooood" ha haa I can just picture her face now!

Much Ado said...

Oh, I can totally relate to this...I am exactly the same with my Cindy Crawford DVD!

Hannah said...

Awww, you're not bitter at all....are you? You gave me a nice laugh to start my day off, thanks!

Jacki said...

Good luck with the workouts! I do not like excerise at all, especially videos with perky hosts. :-)

But I am sure your husband will appreciate the results. Actually, I am pretty sure he will just love being on a cruise with you.

Jendi said...

Go ahead and stick your tongue out! Maybe it will burn more calories. LOL!

My 3 year old was like, "Mommy, she said Good. You are doing good." Uh-huh, ok, whatever.

Marshay said...

I've always found myself wondering why she has those flying squirrel looking eyes that make her look like she is in a constant state of shock?? Let me know if it works...even as much as I go to the gym, I still can't figure out how to get rid of the "ham hocks" that are my thighs.

motherhood for dummies said...

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! I have a Denise Austin video and I love it and hate it! Everytime she gets that smile and says "We're burning butter!" or "OH I love this strech it feels soooo gooood" ha haa I can just picture her face now!

much ado said...

Oh, I can totally relate to this...I am exactly the same with my Cindy Crawford DVD!

Terri said...

This post made me laugh!!